so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
