is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
did i just pee glitter
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
