ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
