I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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