I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
