OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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