Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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