she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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