Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
