yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
