hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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