So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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