Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
