wrigley field is MILF paradise
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
