You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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