What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
