Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
