you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
