If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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