i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the condom got lost in my hair
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
