Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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