i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
