is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
