ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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