OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
