so that wasnt chicken after all
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
