I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
