I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
