Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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