Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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