out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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