Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
