The maid of honor just puked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
