And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
