Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
