If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
