woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
