We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is Oprah even human
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
