Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
