we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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