I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
