We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
