guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
