My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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