My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
