You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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