Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize