trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
