I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
