"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
