I will die if light touches me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
