he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize