Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
