My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize