I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
