I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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