this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize