I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
