Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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