I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
bring money and cleavage
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Of course I have a pirate flag
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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