it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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